There isn’t enough booze in this house. We drink tonight to mourn the loss of the one we love. And play cards.
I just had sex with your cousin. That’s for throwing away the microwave. I hope you learn from this experience.
My dad got me go-go boots today. The second I took them from his hands, I got a text saying I have been known to stay in between her legs for hours.
I want to tie someone to a tree with their own clothes and fuck them til the neighbors scream. That’s legal, right?
I’m drunk. Wait. Sloshed. No wait. Hold up. I love yew! Come get me? I can’t drive.
I’m at an all pink party, strippers and coke included, and I’m wearing a jumpsuit that belongs in a trailer park. I look fucking awesome!