There isn’t enough booze in this house. We drink tonight to mourn the loss of the one we love. And play cards.

I just had sex with your cousin. That’s for throwing away the microwave. I hope you learn from this experience.

I need a new toothbrush. Can you pick up a box of condoms as well?

My ass box needs a fuck buddy.

I want to tongue punch your fart box.

My dad got me go-go boots today. The second I took them from his hands, I got a text saying I have been known to stay in between her legs for hours.

I want to tie someone to a tree with their own clothes and fuck them til the neighbors scream. That’s legal, right?

I’m drunk. Wait. Sloshed. No wait. Hold up. I love yew! Come get me? I can’t drive.

I’m at an all pink party, strippers and coke included, and I’m wearing a jumpsuit that belongs in a trailer park. I look fucking awesome!

Yellow sphincter hyphen grenade bomber! Cinnamon octagon mirrors closet chalk! Ahoy!